Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Ten Mediocre Things
I think of good, bad, and mediocre as sort of being on a circle. Imagine a clock. The six is the dividing line between horrific and flawless - that is, they are adjacent. Twelve is mediocre, and it just fans down from there on either side.
For me anyway, mediocre is a lot farther away from horrific and flawless, than horrific and flawless are from each other. In reality, the dividing line between horrific and flawless is often very slim, which is why I hate mediocre a lot more than horrific. Remember "Springtime for Hitler"? It was so bad, it was great. Neil Young solos are like that, too, as are Michael Bolton vocal performances. My friend Kevin tells me that the John Travolta movie "Face Off" is the same - so horrific that it's actually brilliant. I could say the same for Bret Michael's TV show "Rock of Love", or McDonald's, or Robert Plant ad libs.
Anyway, here is a list of ten mediocre things. They're not horrific, they're not great...they're just out there, floating, refusing to take a stand one way or the other, being really mediocre. Booooo.
10.) The Phillips screw (the Robertson screw, the standard in Canada but unavailable in the US, is far superior).
9.) The Snickers Bar
8.) CNN legal correspondent Jeffrey Toobin (close to horrific because of intolerably smug attitude, yet his mediocrity overwhelms even that).
6.) Swiss Army Knives
5.) Kellogg's Corn Flakes
4.) The Vancouver Canucks
3.) Gibson acoustic guitars (and hugely overpriced)
2.) Colgate toothpaste
1.) English Leather aftershave
Add your Ten Mediocre Things below.